There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
