im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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