Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
