you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
