Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
