so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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