I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
