just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
