my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
