I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
