I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
