my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
