4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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