Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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