you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
