Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize