I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
