i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
