You really coming over, don't trick.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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