oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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