so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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