3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
