she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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