Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize