Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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