You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
