Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
