so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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