He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
