No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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