I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
