By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
No...this little piggys going to the bar
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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