True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
