you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
