Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
