u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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