I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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