i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
