I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
