considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
