Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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