Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
