come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
