I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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