id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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