I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
