I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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