I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
