Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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