you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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