no, he came in my armpit
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
