Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We left an ass print on the piano.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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