4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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