Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
