i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
then he tried to convert me to islam
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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