On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
