I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize