She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
