we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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