So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
