she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
