You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
