what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
