They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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