He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
