we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize