its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
