Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
