we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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