I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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