Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
