Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
