im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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