I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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