I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
