i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I am mentally ready for anal.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize