you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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