it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
