Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
