Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize