I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
