I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize