Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
