just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize