you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
