just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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