There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
