He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
