1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you didnt know i had herpes?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
